the insignificant ramblings of a disturbed graphic designer
Friday, October 03, 2008
The trick to eating White Cheddar Cheez-Its
Open the bag from the bottom.
This is true of nearly any food that comes in a bag and has salt or cheese (or whatever) on it which easily flakes off and “settles” to the bottom of the bag.
This is an especially significant problem with pretzels, although opening the bag from the bottom doesn’t help in this case, since the salt granules are so large and there’s no Cheez-It-like sticking-agent on the pretzels to help the salt stick back on. Sadly, this causes nearly 100% of modern-day, health-conscious, too-much-salt-is-bad-for-you pretzels to be unsatisfactory, because there was hardly any salt on them when they were made in the first place, but then the packages have been joggled for days while being shipped across the country, thrown around by careless grocery stockboys, bounced around in your SUV on the way home, until eventually there’s no salt on them at all by the time you finally chainsaw open the ridiculously strong titanium-plastic alloys they now package your favorite once-salty foodstuffs in.
Posted by espd at 3:42 AM |
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Thursday, November 08, 2007
Thursday top 5
"Happy" A short animation from Vancouver Film School. This one's for Sage and Dakota. x D
The Russian Avante-Garde Book: 1910–1934 An online exhibit from the MoMA (New York). This one's for Olya and any people who appreciate historical art, design, and typography. www.moma.org/exhibitions/2002/russian/
Carrier Pigeon A well-done video podcast about all kinds of stuff, from designer Dave Werner. minorstudios.com Never heard of Dave Werner? He's a somewhat recent grad of the Porfolio Center. Check out his absolutely exceptional portfolio: okaydave.com
Barista Brat The rants and raves of a Starbucks Barista. Fun and even informative. This link's for Jenny, who recently got a job at a small coffee place in San Francisco. baristabrat.blogspot.com
Brett Darrow, 20, was questioned and repeatedly threatened with false charges by Sgt. James Kuehnlein in St. George, MO. It was all caught on video by Darrow's in-car camera, and he posted the video on the Internet.
I can hardly maintain my composure watching this video. This hysterical asshole is soooo out of line, he needs to seek new employment, a psychiatrist, and a vasectomy.
Posted by espd at 7:10 PM |
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Thursday, August 02, 2007
No, this is not OK: Oklahoma fights global terrorism with, um, license plates
This is just dumb for so many reasons. Plenty of others will, I am certain, point out how retarded this is. But since few of them will likely discuss how retarded the design is, let me just do it briefly.
1. Dessert camo? Really? In...Oklahoma? And need I point out how completely offensive it is to presume that all terrorists live in dessert regions?
2. Nice clip art, buddy. Who designed this, an admin? Just so you know, copying a clip art building to make two of them does not exactly make you a designer. And you might want to make it the right building, or at least close. The World Trade Center didn't have big horizontal stripes between floors, you twat.
3. Design 101: Black on red is not readable. Especially tiny black numbers on a tiny little red banner...from a distance.
Hey Oklahoma. This makes you look like a bunch of idiots. And I'm not even talking about the design. I really wouldn't expect much better from a state agency, nor a license plate. I'm talking about the whole idea of commemorating (celebrating?) the "global war on terrorism" with a license plate. That's so incredibly nationalistic it's hard for me to put it in words how offended I am.
Not to mention the mind-boggling idea that some official at the Oklahoma State Tax Commission actually had the thought, "Hey, we could make money by offering a terrorism plate."
Today was the second time in a month, on two opposite coasts, I have been told by a person in a Starbucks store, wearing a Starbucks apron, that the Starbucks I was standing in was "not a real Starbucks."
In Boston, the location was not able to honor my Starbucks gift card. In San Francisco, the location was not even able to accept a simple gift certificate for a measly half-pound of Starbucks coffee.
Not a "real" Starbucks? Let me be clear: There is absolutely no outward difference between these Starbucks locations and any other "real" Starbucks location. They look exactly the same. They have tables, they have the same decor, the have Starbucks logos everywhere. It doesn't say "Joe's Coffee Shop, proudly serving Starbucks Coffee" on the sign. It's just another Starbucks to everyone walking by.
The logo is the brand, stupid These two Starbucks locations I was in were probably some sort of lesser tier in Starbucks' franchise system. But the customer doesn't know this, or care, and should never even have to care that this is some lesser franchise that doesn't hook into the Starbucks gift card system or whatever ridiculous excuse they have for claiming to not be a "real" Starbucks.
If that customer can't get the normal level of service they've come to expect from any other Starbucks, that experience is lessened. That brand image is tainted, damaged.
Let me be blunt. Starbucks will fail as a company if they do not fix this problem.
Not because I won't be able to use my gift card for my mocha. That's not even the real issue. It's because their own employees don't even consider themselves to be part of Starbucks the brand.
(And because people like me will go back to their computers and write long rants about the raw, bleeding sore this is on Starbucks' brand strategy, instead of just walking the three blocks to another location to redeem their coupon.)
Your employees are your brand ambassadors And don't give me "But they're not real Starbucks employees." They are in the eyes of every single customer who walks into that franchise.
If you have a Starbucks logo on your hat or apron, you serve Starbucks coffee, and the store looks identical to every other Starbucks, then you are a real fucking Starbucks.
However, if Starbucks doesn't consider those people wearing their logo to be the company's brand ambassadors (I don't care if their paychecks come from Seattle or from Joe's Coffee Shop), then Starbucks is going to fail. Because they're going to lose the battle for brand loyalty.
People selling Starbucks coffee need to feel they are Starbucks employees, no matter who their boss is who happens to own the franchise. And Starbucks needs to consider those people their employees and, more importantly, their brand ambassadors.
Starbucks is one of Fortune magazine's 100 Best Places to Work. How can that be if a large portion people who wear your brand every day don't even associate themselves with your brand? They alienate your customers because they emit an attitude of "Meh, whatever. We're not a real Starbucks and I have nothing invested in trying to satisfy you as a customer, so I'm not even going to try."
Here's what Starbucks.com says: "Our success depends on your success. Our ability to accomplish what we set out to do is based primarily on the people we hire - we call each other 'partners.' We are always focused on our people. We provide opportunities to develop your skills, further your career, and achieve your goals. At Starbucks, you’ll find a commitment to excellence among our partners; an emphasis on respect in how we treat our customers and each other; and a dedication to social responsibility..."
What bullshit. Starbucks, you need to fix this, or you will rot from the ankles up.
For "espouse" I've dropped from 4 to number 16, but I guess that ain't half bad. I guess. If you're looking for an espouser.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of other ranters and whiners out there on the Internet (you've heard of LiveJournal, right), so searching for "rant" or "whine" doesn't include me even within the first few pages of results. Meh, with that kind of competition, why bother.
Of course, when you search for "rant whine" I'm number one, and you can't beat that.
So...yeah. That's marketable, right?
My dear reader, I'd be eager to see how many of you even realized this blog had a name. If you already knew it, did you remember what the name was when you started reading this? Leave a comment and let me know. And if you want to suggest a better name, let's hear it.
Posted by espd at 6:33 PM |
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Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Has the DMV gotten more efficient?
I had to go to the DMV this morning.
Yeah, I was absolutely thrilled about getting up at 7 am to bike halfway across San Francisco, anticipating several hours of standing in lines and being shuffled from one window to another by petty bureaucrats who would foist their clumsy communication skills and primitive people skills on me while they told me that what I wanted just wasn't possible, or that I had to go to Window 37 3/4 first, or that I didn't appear to be in their database so I mustn't exist even though I am standing right there.
But I had a different experience this morning.
Let's forget that on the way up the hill on my bike I got a flat tire. Let's forget that, once the doors opened, several people cut in front of me in line and I had to cut back in front of them with a loud "Excuse me!" Let's ignore the fact that halfway through my stay at the DMV the printer jammed while printing my registration and I thought I'd be there for 25 minutes just watching round women with puzzled looks shaking their heads and endlessly opening and closing the paper tray as if that would eventually fix everything.
None of those things could affect the fact that I was actually well served by the DMV this morning.
What?! I know, I can hear the collective gasp of my readers as you wonder how this can be. Let alone how am I going to rant about something in my customary way if I have to admit that the DMV actually did well by me today? Well, I'll get to the ranting bit further down, have no fear.
First, let me tell you about the good experience.
I went early, before they opened, which is important if you don't want to spend three hours at the DMV. I stood in line outside, and aside from the aforementioned cutting incident all went well and I was one of the first 25 or so people served.
I had five different things I needed to do at the DMV, so I had every right to expect this to be a tedious endeavor. I had to:
Change my address in the DMV's records
Pick up registration tags
Get a change-of-address form for Velma
Add Velma to my car's title
Get a new California ID card
The woman who helped me was not overly friendly but not nearly as officious as people in this line of work usually are. Usually I get the Professional Petty Bureaucrat, Grade A. You can guess what the A stands for.
She knew just what to do, even though I needed several things. She was able to do three and a half out of five of them right there without redirecting me to another window yet. That was a good sign. The paper jam didn't take as long as it could have to resolve, and within a relatively short time I had my registration updated, my car title updated, a change-of-address form for Velma, a change-of-address card to stick on my drivers license, a receipt to pick up my tags at Window 17, and a receipt for my new ID and to take to Window B for a picture.
Now, admittedly this took less time because I was prepared. Due to Velma's foresight, I had info pre-filled-in on the the car title, and I had paid my registration online months ago; I just needed to physically pick up the tags since they could not longer mail them to me (since we moved, and the US Postal Service will not forward mail from the DMV to a new address, it just goes back to Sacramento. Tip: You should always make the DMV one of your first change-of-address notifications when you move).
So off I went to Window 17, which only had one person in line (amazing!), and then off I went to Window B to get my picture taken (also had only one person in front of me, I know it's hard to believe).
All in all, I was in at 9:01 am and out at 9:29 am, and that must be some sort of record.
Now, I haven't been to a DMV office in a few years but this all struck me as an inordinately efficient visit. I don't know if this is normal at the San Francisco DMV office or not. I also wonder if people have had this sort of experience elsewhere in California. Has the DMV gotten more efficient? (Leave a comment with your experience.)
Is it just the offices? Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Have DMV offices become more efficient? Because their website sucks.
The California DMV's website has enabled some important functions over the past few years, but the online offerings are still severely limited. If this was a business, they'd have been overcome by the competition years ago.
1. Online renewal is limited Some people (not everyone) can renew their license or vehicle registrations online. To do this, you have to have a "Renewal Identification Number (RIN)" on your renewal notice when it comes in the mail. Not everyone gets one. Why not? Why can't everyone use this? The DMV's FAQ does not explain.
2. The things you can do online are limited The DMV's service offerings are pretty paltry online. If I was the Governator I would have made a campaign promise out of this; it would've gotten tons of votes and would've been a PR line with serious legs: "Everyone hates going to the DMV. In this Internet age where you can do almost anything online, why should we have to go stand in a line just to get a piece of paper? If you re-elect me, the DMV we'll make will be the envy of every other state."
3. The things you can do online are tedious and cumbersome Almost all the pages are weighted down in cumbersome, unnecessary bureaucracy. They're poorly written and organized. The web's leading technologies (and I don't mean cutting edge) are nowhere to be seen, instead the site uses poorly thought-out forms and many actions require you to download PDFs when they could just as easily be done without it. Case in point: The "New Online Refund Program" is touted with the link "Simple Refunds." But the process begins with "You need Adobe Acrobat Reader 4.0 or above to view/print the instructions. Click the button below 'Get Acrobat Reader' to download this free software." What?! If I have to download something and open a separate PDF, then it's neither "simple" nor "online" at all!
4. The site is built for hopelessly outdated browsers I quote from one of the FAQ pages: "For Internet Explorer or Netscape Communicator/Navigator, you must have version 4.0 or higher." They even have the old "Netscape now!" button on the page. It's like a trip back to 1997. And I just love that the DMV's logo right next to this has the slogan "Driving change..." plastered across it. *guffaw*
...the list goes on, but I should really be charging them for this usability analysis.
Outsource the DMV website It doesn't happen often that I'm a proponent for privatization, but I wonder if California's DMV website would be a good case. At the very least, it's evident that the site needs to be outsourced to a competent company. The current offering is embarrassingly inadequate considering this state is home to Silicon Valley.
Posted by espd at 9:46 PM |
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Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I had to scrub my hands for 3 minutes
Got a flat tire on my bike on the way to work yesterday : (
Changed it today in the bike storage room at work, and had to scrub fo' evah to get all the black road-crud off my hands. Hmm. And I breath all that exhaust and crap in every day? Blech : P
Aaron
Alexis
Anne
Anya
April & Matt
Ari
Bo
Brian
Bryan
Chris
Dave & Terri
Dave H.
Debby
Drue
Fibu
Four Waters
Fwegan (aka Ynnej)
Holly
Hilary
Internet Rockstar
Jason
Jen
Jesse
Jessica
Kansinee
Karl
Laura
Leah
Marc
Martin
Matt
Mike
Morgan
OkayDave
Olya
Paco
Peter
Rick
Rocky
Ryan
Stellah
Tatum 
Trent
Velma
Veronica
Yuliya
Yu-Po